I wrote about turning 30 last year. I was feeling so hopeful. I knew I was going to be moving overseas in six months. I started a fun but short lived fling. Summer was coming.
In the last 12 months I have made more mistakes than I ever have before. I have used the word resilience more than I ever have before. I’ve been incredibly hard on myself.
I expected 30 to be pivotal, mostly due to the moving to the other side of the world thing. I told my friends I felt healed and ready to be challenged again. I think I jinxed it a little. The challenges didn’t stop coming. While I was deep in 30, I was so hard on myself and how I had let all this happen again. I told my friends I had healed remember! New beginnings were coming! I couldn’t even imagine starting a new beginning for myself without physically starting again. I put off a lot of things I should have dealt with earlier.
If someone had told me I would be almost six months into my move and still not be employed full time, I probably never would have made the jump. Emotionally it hasn’t been great, somehow financially it has been ok.
Now a month from 31, I look back on the last 12 months and realise how much I put myself through that I didn’t need to. I told myself how resilient I was and how much I can handle. Truth is, maybe I can’t handle it. Growth is realising this isn’t a failure, this IS growth.
When I wrote about turning 30 I said how I didn’t remember the last time I cried. I cry so much now. Something I need to keep an eye on for a little bit.
Trend report for 31 (god this reads like a recipe where you have to read my life story before the bullet points)
Less social media, the goal is none but we’ll get there slowly.
Big pants big tops, we’re in New York now, we don’t have to be sexy sexy, my abs are still there.
Asking for what you want, don’t assume, they have no fucking idea unless you tell them.
Matching outfits with your partner, literally the dream (loewe gf loewe bf meme)
Chicken Caesar wraps.
I saw this tweet just now which basically sums up how I feel. Goodnight! It’s gonna be ok!